I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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