when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
