The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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