Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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