Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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