Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
