Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
