Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
