I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
