Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
