He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
