craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
