btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
