I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
