he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
