i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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