I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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