this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize