Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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