dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
