Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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