After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
