Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
