her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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