You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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