so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
