I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
