I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
