im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
