Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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