Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
