i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
