i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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