the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
