Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
