You tried to poop in the sink last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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