I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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