i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
