I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
