She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
