Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
