So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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