Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
