who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
