FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
