she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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