There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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