he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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