Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
