You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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