i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
