so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
