Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
