I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
