You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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