don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They should really pass out barf bags in church
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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