Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize