That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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