you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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