Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
