and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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