did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have aggressive nipples.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
