Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
