You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
