i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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