alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
