two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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