Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
