I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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