I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
