So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
