i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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