when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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