The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
