he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
