Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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