Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
