I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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