wakey wakey hands off snakey
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
