The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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