Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
