god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
