I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
