apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
