we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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