Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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