i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
