he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
