Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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