dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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